Liz's and David's friend and minister Tom McKibbens conducted a memorial service at First Baptist Church in Newton Center on Saturday 11th July 2015. Martha Nielsen collected remembrances of David from the women of TOP/WE and edited them down into a piece which was read by Erica Kenny at the service. Here is the edited version of this piece:
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David Dodson Gray: Remembrances by the women of the Theological Opportunities Program, now known as WomenExplore !
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David Dodson Gray was such a GOOD MAN, a man of integrity, who lived out his ethics. He was sweet and kind, and a true feminist. He understood the Biblical sense of justice, and the justice dimensions of black/white and male/female issues. He believed strongly in “women’s voice”, and for many years he used his considerable editing and typing skills to assist our women at the Theological Opportunities Program at the Harvard Divinity School with their talks in our lecture series. His presence in our lives will be sorely missed by all of us who knew him.
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Each week, David and Michael Donham, after they set up the sound system, would put on their hats and go over to Peet’s for coffee and muffins which they brought back. They sat in front of us and there was great unwrapping and enjoyment of muffins during the talk! They had a grand time together at their weekly ritual.
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I remember David interrupting Liz, or anyone else, when something was missed, fearless to add his point of view or to clarify.
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David was an appealingly quiet, giving and gentle man. This is not to say he didn’t have his convictions (he had them in abundance), but that he was a very principled person - bright, caring, faithful, true and unusually generous.
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David Dodson Gray: Remembrances by the women of the Theological Opportunities Program, now known as WomenExplore !
!
David Dodson Gray was such a GOOD MAN, a man of integrity, who lived out his ethics. He was sweet and kind, and a true feminist. He understood the Biblical sense of justice, and the justice dimensions of black/white and male/female issues. He believed strongly in “women’s voice”, and for many years he used his considerable editing and typing skills to assist our women at the Theological Opportunities Program at the Harvard Divinity School with their talks in our lecture series. His presence in our lives will be sorely missed by all of us who knew him.
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Each week, David and Michael Donham, after they set up the sound system, would put on their hats and go over to Peet’s for coffee and muffins which they brought back. They sat in front of us and there was great unwrapping and enjoyment of muffins during the talk! They had a grand time together at their weekly ritual.
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I remember David interrupting Liz, or anyone else, when something was missed, fearless to add his point of view or to clarify.
—————
David was an appealingly quiet, giving and gentle man. This is not to say he didn’t have his convictions (he had them in abundance), but that he was a very principled person - bright, caring, faithful, true and unusually generous.
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I'll always remember David's welcome to me as a new member: big
smile, kind, efficient, well-groomed. David was a treasure
for Liz, TOP, WE, and me. I feel sad in my heart at his passing. —————
At TOPs [tops] meetings, David was known for his helpful assistance to enable the event to function smoothly, and for his generous support during the Think Tanks to record our suggestions for the new series - accurately. He modeled, with Liz, the complicated interplay of marriage relations - with no hesitation to disagree or do corrections of each other in a room full of people - successfully and with humor.
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I remember David as always being present in the moment. Always loyal and respectful to Liz, David was a masculine example to me, embodying stability, intelligence, and a willingness to be a team player as well as being a tranquil leader.
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I always looked for David’s cheery face at the back of the Braun Room, presiding over a book display and watching to see that the speakers kept to their time limits.
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I remember David as a man who was very clear about his feminist views---as a consistent, heartfelt advocate for women.....and at the same time he appreciated enjoying women, noticing what they wore, feeling their sensuality.......he was devoted to women as equals.....women in their strength, leadership and wisdom.....and, as we all witnessed, devoted to Liz.
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for Liz, TOP, WE, and me. I feel sad in my heart at his passing. —————
At TOPs [tops] meetings, David was known for his helpful assistance to enable the event to function smoothly, and for his generous support during the Think Tanks to record our suggestions for the new series - accurately. He modeled, with Liz, the complicated interplay of marriage relations - with no hesitation to disagree or do corrections of each other in a room full of people - successfully and with humor.
—————
I remember David as always being present in the moment. Always loyal and respectful to Liz, David was a masculine example to me, embodying stability, intelligence, and a willingness to be a team player as well as being a tranquil leader.
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I always looked for David’s cheery face at the back of the Braun Room, presiding over a book display and watching to see that the speakers kept to their time limits.
—————
I remember David as a man who was very clear about his feminist views---as a consistent, heartfelt advocate for women.....and at the same time he appreciated enjoying women, noticing what they wore, feeling their sensuality.......he was devoted to women as equals.....women in their strength, leadership and wisdom.....and, as we all witnessed, devoted to Liz.
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I have known Liz and David for forty years, and have reveled in the
richness of their talents and personalities. Just one of his special
talents, and a very special gift to the focusers (of which I have
been one many many times), was to convert our talks into
professional looking booklet form, and print five copies for us to
have and to share with our family and friends. My covers were
often red, which he well knew was my favorite color. And apropos of
that, on the rare Thursday I appeared with no visible red in my
outfit, he would tease me about that omission. On one of those
days I spontaneously said “Oh don’t worry, I have on a red slip!” As
you might imagine with David, this became an ongoing joke between
us.
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As a clergy spouse I recognized David’s awesome role with Liz and TOP for so many years.
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David’s devotion to Liz with its many twists and turns speaks volumes of their mutual love and respect and David’s role in the background, editing and publishing - a true helpmate with his considerable skills. A GOOD MAN. An authentic role model. —————
David never turned me away and never avoided me if he thought I might want to speak to him. He answered questions clearly and simply, and he was kind.
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A very tall Pooh Bear himself, David calmly chauffeurs Liz to Cambridge, and with a wink, assembles the AV equipment so we all can hear. We are fortunate to have a practiced, able, and handsome male presence amidst all of us femmes.
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As a clergy spouse I recognized David’s awesome role with Liz and TOP for so many years.
—————
David’s devotion to Liz with its many twists and turns speaks volumes of their mutual love and respect and David’s role in the background, editing and publishing - a true helpmate with his considerable skills. A GOOD MAN. An authentic role model. —————
David never turned me away and never avoided me if he thought I might want to speak to him. He answered questions clearly and simply, and he was kind.
—————
A very tall Pooh Bear himself, David calmly chauffeurs Liz to Cambridge, and with a wink, assembles the AV equipment so we all can hear. We are fortunate to have a practiced, able, and handsome male presence amidst all of us femmes.
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David was a living model of a feminist man, beginning with his
relationship to the woman of his life. He was genuinely interested in
me and other women, and expressed that interest with inquiring
about, and with keeping up with, what was going on in one’s life.
He showed and expressed his appreciation of how women were living their lives, and what they were discovering about themselves. He believed in the power of women in their own lives, and most particularly the power of his beloved Liz.
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David was very supportive of all of us in TOP/WE and together he and Liz guided us to create both wonderfully stimulating lectures and a warm community of women as well.
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To me David was a magical mix of mentor, father figure, counsel, brother, friend, buddy. One of the many memories and feelings that have been floating through my heart is the hugging practice that evolved over the years that we delighted in, and that was transformative and healing for me.
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Attending the TOP series on a regular basis in the mid-80’s
and early 90’s, I grew to have an even deeper appreciation of how comfortably and publicly he held the role of chief support person
to Liz’s endeavors. He truly supported her creativity and provided the collaboration and organizing efforts for her books and her travels and lectures about the country, as well as for the management of the TOP lecture series.
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He showed and expressed his appreciation of how women were living their lives, and what they were discovering about themselves. He believed in the power of women in their own lives, and most particularly the power of his beloved Liz.
—————
David was very supportive of all of us in TOP/WE and together he and Liz guided us to create both wonderfully stimulating lectures and a warm community of women as well.
—————
To me David was a magical mix of mentor, father figure, counsel, brother, friend, buddy. One of the many memories and feelings that have been floating through my heart is the hugging practice that evolved over the years that we delighted in, and that was transformative and healing for me.
—————
Attending the TOP series on a regular basis in the mid-80’s
and early 90’s, I grew to have an even deeper appreciation of how comfortably and publicly he held the role of chief support person
to Liz’s endeavors. He truly supported her creativity and provided the collaboration and organizing efforts for her books and her travels and lectures about the country, as well as for the management of the TOP lecture series.
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I've never known a time when David wasn't helping Liz -- holding her
arm, her bag, or her chair. I don't think I've ever even seen Liz
without David except when we packed up for Utah. I've heard
stories of all the wonderful things that David did to help Liz in her
role as Executive Director of TOP and to publish her books. Their
togetherness reminds me of the Frank Sinatra song of Love and
Marriage.
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“Liz and David, Liz and David,
Went together like a horse and carriage, This I tell you sister,
I didn't see one without the other!”
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When my son, Luke, was setting up Liz's website, he also spent some time working with David. I asked Luke if he wanted to say anything about David. His response was that David was a very "supportive chap”.
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I recall David so well and his kindness to me, which included giving me some of his academic books on the New Testament, which I treasure.
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Liz's "most interesting man she has ever met”
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“Liz and David, Liz and David,
Went together like a horse and carriage, This I tell you sister,
I didn't see one without the other!”
—————
When my son, Luke, was setting up Liz's website, he also spent some time working with David. I asked Luke if he wanted to say anything about David. His response was that David was a very "supportive chap”.
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I recall David so well and his kindness to me, which included giving me some of his academic books on the New Testament, which I treasure.
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Liz's "most interesting man she has ever met”
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Dear Liz,
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Ever since I first met you both in 2004, I have admired the way that David complemented, or should I say, "completed" you. As I got to know you both better I learned just how true this was. It wasn't something that just happened naturally. David strove hard to augment your talents. The two of you are the epitome of the saying that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts".
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You, dear Liz, have been extremely fortunate, as I know you are aware, to have lived your life with such a partner. You can rejoice in the legacy of shared memories that David has bequeathed you! —————
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Received, collated and edited by Martha Nielsen and presented by Erica Kenny at David’s memorial service on July 11, 2015, at the First Baptist Church in Newton MA
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Ever since I first met you both in 2004, I have admired the way that David complemented, or should I say, "completed" you. As I got to know you both better I learned just how true this was. It wasn't something that just happened naturally. David strove hard to augment your talents. The two of you are the epitome of the saying that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts".
!
You, dear Liz, have been extremely fortunate, as I know you are aware, to have lived your life with such a partner. You can rejoice in the legacy of shared memories that David has bequeathed you! —————
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Received, collated and edited by Martha Nielsen and presented by Erica Kenny at David’s memorial service on July 11, 2015, at the First Baptist Church in Newton MA
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